First Time In A Hotel?

I work in a hotel. I have a smooth check-in with a guest. She heads up to the room just to return a minute later with probably my first-ever time hearing this complaint.

Guest: “My bed has the essence of being slept in.”

Confused, I probe to see if she means something else. You know, people aren’t always good with words.

Me: “Was the bed not made properly?”

Guest: “No, it was made.”

Me: “Was there hair or lint in it? Were there stains?”

Guest: “No, it’s none of that. It’s perfectly clean. It is just that the bed has the essence of being slept in. I would like a new mattress brought to the room.”

Me: “Would you just like a new room?”

Guest: “No, I want to keep the room I have. It’s on a high floor, facing away from the street, and has no connecting door. I just want a brand new mattress brought to my room.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not going to happen.”

Guest: “Then I’d like to speak to your general manager.”

I’m pretty sure I have never seen someone try so hard not to laugh in someone’s face as the guest looked for compensation.