First-Born Son Sacrifice Required To Cash Checks

, , | Right | December 1, 2018

(We are required by law to collect certain pieces of information from non-customers before cashing a check for them. Our system will not allow us to cash anything without this information. Most of our regulars understand this, and provide this information without protest. We occasionally get someone who tries to argue…)

Me: “Good morning. How can I help you?”

Customer #1: “Cash this.” *throws ID and check at me*

Me: “Have you ever cashed here before?”

Customer #1: “No.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. I just need to ask you a few additional questions. Can you confirm your current address, please?”

Customer #1: “Why do you need to ask me anything? I have my ID and this check, and you have to cash it for me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I am required by federal law to ask—”

Customer #1: “I will not give you any information! Get me a manager, now!

(I flag down the nearest supervisor, who has heard the whole thing.)

Supervisor: “Good morning, sir. As [My Name] said, we are required by law to get certain pieces of information before we can cash a check for you.”

Customer #1:I am not a criminal! I won’t give you any information! What are you going to do about that, huh?”

Supervisor: “Our system will not let us cash a check without this information, so unfortunately we will not be able to process this for you today.” *hands the check back*

Customer #1: “FINE! I will go to my bank!” *storms out*

Supervisor: “Imagine what would’ve happened if you’d gotten through all the questions…”

Me: “No kidding!”

([Customer #2], a regular, steps up to my window.)

Customer #2: “I have my ID ready and all my information is up to date. Would you like a blood sample or my firstborn child as a second form of ID?” *grins*

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