Fired Over A Flight Of Fancy

| Working | February 21, 2016

(I am a night guard for a decent-sized factory, as well as the only guard on duty at night. One night, we have a water main break inside the factory and everyone had to be evacuated. My job is to head to the front gate a quarter mile away to direct traffic away from the front doors. I have to walk there, which takes about twenty minutes. Everything goes fine and forty minutes later I return to work. The following I overhear the next morning with my boss talking to the new secretary.)

Boss: “Uh, no, you are NOT firing her for that!”

Secretary: “Yes, we are. You can tell her she can pick up her last check this Friday.”

Boss: “She was the only one on duty last night!”

Secretary: “It doesn’t matter!”

(Panicked, I rush in.)

Me: “I’m fired?! Why?!”

Boss: “You’re not fired, okay?”

Secretary: *gives me a snotty look* “Yes, you are. Kindly leave the premises right now.”

Me: “But what am I being fired for!?”

Secretary: “Your performance during the incident last night was horrible! You let twelve cars into the parking lot and blocked the fire truck from getting through! There was almost an accident!”

Boss: “Is this true?”

Me: “The front gate is a quarter mile away, ma’am. It must have happened while I was heading down there.”

Secretary: “That’s no excuse! There was almost an accident!”

Boss: “[Secretary], it takes time! She can’t FLY there!”

Secretary: “Well, then, that’s her problem.”

(No joke, I was literally fired for not “flying” to the gate to keep cars out during the water main break. My ex-boss helped me find a better job with a different company. He told me that two weeks later, another water main broke and the secretary tried to have that guard fired for the same reason. Guess who got written up for being absurdly unrealistic?)

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