Fire Un-works

(It’s just three days after July 24th (Pioneer Day in Utah) and my boyfriend and I are lighting up some legal fireworks in celebration. We didn’t have time to set them off on the day itself because we both have been closing at our jobs.)

Boyfriend: “That one went too far down the street. I’ll go get it before it becomes a hazard.”

Me: “Okay! I’ll set up the next one.”

Angry Crotchety Neighbor: “Hey! Was it you who lit the fireworks?!”

Me: “Yes?”

Angry Crotchety Neighbor: “My dog has been shaking for three hours because of you! You’re acting so stupid lighting up those loud fireworks! I should call the cops on you because it’s illegal to light them on days that aren’t holidays!”

Me: “Actually, I technically have until midnight tonight to light them. It’s legal to light them three days before, during, and after July 4th and 24th. We’ve only been lighting them for 10 minutes, so we’re not responsible for your shaking dog. You’re being really rude and obnoxious.”

Angry Crotchety Neighbor: “Well, my dog has been shaking! You should think about others before you light s*** up!”

Boyfriend: *comes over* “Hey, everything okay?”

Angry Crotchety Neighbor: “I… just stop lighting the fireworks!” *continues mumbling as he goes into his apartment*

Boyfriend: “What was that about?”

Me: “Some guy was being an a**-hat because we were lighting fireworks. He blames us for his dog shaking for the past three hours.”

Boyfriend: “…Oh. Wanna light some more?”

Me: “You bet!”