Finding Interesting Ways To Conduct With The Conductor

Standing next to me on a train is a disheveled-looking man wearing what looks like pajama bottoms and a weird multicolored hat. We are about to arrive at a station in a little town that is locally notorious for its many institutions for people with mental problems. A train conductor comes to check for tickets.

Passenger: “I have a ticket! But it’s with my wife. She always buys my tickets. Don’t worry; my train tickets are always paid for!”

Conductor: “Where is your wife, then?”

Passenger: *Pointing to the carriage* “There… At home…”

Conductor: “Sir, if your wife has your ticket, she has to be here.”

Passenger: “Yeah, she’s right here!” *Trails off* “At… home…”

Conductor: “That doesn’t help me. If your wife has the tickets, she has to be travelling with you.”

Passenger: *Happily* “I don’t even have a wife! Oh, here’s my stop, though.”

Conductor: “Okay, you know what? For now… just leave.”