Finding An Artistic Solution

(I’m a prolific artist. I draw in every class and am well know because I’m very good at what I do, to the point I can make a reasonable profit from commissions. I mostly draw for a book I’ve been writing, mainly a married couple that are a part of it. Most their poses involve cuddling, but I never draw anything remotely explicate. Idiots who think they’re funny have done this to me before, but this I thought was a particularly funny episode.)

Me: *is sketching couple cuddling and watching a movie*

Kid: “Hey, what are you drawing?” *looks* “TEACHER, SHE’S DRAWING P*RN!”

Me: *embarrassed* “They’re watching a movie! Please don’t say things like that.”

(Later that same day, different class, same kid:)

Kid: *looks at my drawing* “TEACHER. [My Name] IS DRAWING POOOORN!”

Teacher: “Sit down, and no, she’s not; I can see it from here.”

Me: “You won’t like me if you do that again. Seriously, please stop. You might get me in trouble.”

Kid: *laughs, probably thinking I won’t do anything since you can’t easily tell I’m an upperclassman, which he is not*

(Last class, same kid. Note that this is my math class and I know the teacher very well. I’d planned to have an outburst here because I knew what I could get away with. Also note: I’m bad in math so I’m a junior in a freshman math class.)

Kid: *comes over* “TEACHER! She’s drawing POOOOORN!”

(I quickly stand and straight up throw my desk to the ground, save for my sketchbook.)

Me: “Mother-f*****! You cannot be so f****** stupid to think what I’m drawing is in any way p*rnographic. It’s not funny and no one gives a rats-a** if you think it is. I swear, I don’t give a f*** if I get reported. I will slap you’re a** with my ‘p*rn’ if you EVER imply I’m drawing something sexual again. Do you understand?”

Kid: *kind of freezes, looks to teacher who is taking no action, then rest of class who is trying not to laugh* “I was just joking.”

Me: “Yeah, well it was a sh***y joke that you didn’t stop when I asked you to, so I don’t give a flying f*** for any excuses you can conjure up. Now walk back to your desk and don’t f*** with me.”

Kid: *at a loss, sits down*

Teacher: *after I’ve fixed my desk stands up* “I’d like to take this moment to introduce everyone to [My Name]. Don’t mess with her or her art. I’m not going to stop her if she slaps you with the sketchbook. You probably deserved it.”

(Kid never bothered me again, but we did sort of make up. He along with the rest of that class will often compliment my art, and we can all talk about our favorite nerd things shamelessly.)