Finals At Hogwarts

(One of my students was absent the day of a test and she has had just handed it in.)

Me: “Okay, class. Now that [name] has done the test, I can give you them back.”

(I hand out the test papers.)

Student: “Where’s mine?”

Me: “You just did yours today. I’ll have it back to you tomorrow.”

Student: “But you just said!”

Me: “How was I supposed to mark it in 5 minutes?”

Student: *completely serious* “Doesn’t it just automatically mark itself?”