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Fighting Stupid With Stupid

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: carealotometerat0 | October 1, 2021

While in a store with my wife, I head over to the electronics section to browse around and wait out a husband’s slow death of “I just need a few things”. There is a girl there that I am guessing is in high school since she has a high school sweatshirt on that’s the same color as the store’s colors. She is looking at cell phone cases when a middle-aged man walks up to her and asks her to get the key to a display case for the gaming consoles. I was not paying attention to either of them until I heard, “Excuse me.”

This girl is five foot nothing in a sweatshirt and jeans. The guy is close to six feet tall and dressed in business casual and is very confident in himself. He doesn’t even suspect how outmatched he is with this kid.

Girl: “I don’t work here.”

Man: “Then why are you behind the counter?”

Girl: “I am not behind the counter.”

Man: “You are by the counter straightening inventory, so you’d better help me or I will get your manager.”

I start to go over to help the kid out, but there is no need. The girl turns to face the man.

Girl: “I am looking for a specific case for my [phone], so are you going to help me or not?”

Man: “Wait, what? I don’t work here.”

Girl: “Neither do I.”

The man keeps demand something of the girl, and then demands something from him, and it ends the same way every time.

Man: “I don’t work here.”

Girl: “Neither do I.”

This goes on for a couple of minutes and the girl pulls out all the stops. The man will say something, and she comes back with a sick grandbaby, her son lost his job, her dad is dying of cancer, her mom was in an accident, her daughter is getting married, etc. She must have five parents and ten kids, and the whole time, this guy just keeps going. They threaten to have each other fired so many times it is head-spinning.

As he gets mad and moves closer to her:

Girl: “Six feet, or I will tell your manager you are violating your store’s distancing policy.”

He backs up a little.

Man: “I don’t work here.”

Girl: “Neither do I.”

That happens twice!

The woman working electronics comes out and asks what the problem is, and they both try to have each other fired. She tries to say that neither of them works here and finally says, “I don’t get paid enough for this stuff,” and leaves them to it. A manager comes up behind me and looks at the scene.

Manager: “Really?”

He finally tries to intervene but can’t get a word in edgewise. It ends finally with both of them saying at the exact same time, “I don’t work here.” “Neither do I.” Think Abbott and Costello, “Who’s On First?”

The man looks back and forth between the girl and the manager.

Manager: “Out of the three of us, I am the only one that works here. Now how can I help you?”

Girl: “Where are the [phone] cases?”

The manager points to an aisle.

Girl: *Pleasantly* “Thank you.”

She absolutely bounces over to the aisle without a care in the world. The manager turns back to the man.

Manager: “And you, sir?”

The man stammered for a minute and finally, sheepishly, explained what he needed.


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