You Fight Like A Girl!

(Our entire family enjoys martial arts, especially jiu jitsu-style wrestling. When one of our sons, a US Marine, comes home for a visit, he and I get into a friendly wrestling match in the middle of the living room. His fiancée watches and occasionally winces as we crash around the room, knocking aside the furniture and giggling with glee.)

Son: *triumphant noise* “There! Now I’ve got you!”

Me: *slips out of the hold, rolls over, and pins him* “No, you don’t.”

Son: “But I almost did!”

Me: “But you didn’t.”

Son: “But I was doing really, really well! I have to tell my buddies about this!”

Me: “You were doing really well until you lost. Besides, do you really want to brag to your Marine buddies that you can almost pin an out-of-shape, middle-aged person?”

Son’s Fiancée: “…who happens to be your mom?”