Fifth Time’s The Charm

(Every year, my college does a fundraising push to the alumni. The following story summarizes my first four years of calls after graduating. Year One:)

Student #1: “Hi! I’m calling with [College], and we just want to update all your information in our system. We also want to talk to you about making a donation to your alma mater.”

Me: “But I just graduated a couple of months ago. I don’t even have a full time job yet!”

Student #1: “So, are you interested in making a donation?”

Me: “What do you think?”

Student #1: “Is that a no?”

Me: *heavy sigh* “It’s definitely a no.”

Student #1: “Have you considered how this will effect my education? Most [College] students benefit from scholarships that are funded by alumni.”

Me: “Did you hear me say that I don’t have a full-time job yet? I have no money!”

(It continues like this for five minutes until I just hang up. Year Two:)

Student #2: “Hi, I’m calling from [College], and we’re calling today to talk to you about investing in our future–”

Me: “I’m going to stop you for a second. I have a job this year, but I’m still paying off my student loans to get my degree, and I will be for a long time. So, I’ll answer all your questions if you put me on the Do Not Call list for next year.”

Student #2: “I can do that. Thank you! Most people just hang up.”

(Year Three:)

Student #3: “Hi, I’m calling from [College]. How are you today?”

Me: “Is this a fundraising push?”

Student #3: “No, of course not! We’re calling to update your information.”

Me: “Uh-huh. What do you need to update?”

Student #3: “Um… your phone number.”

Me: “Seriously?”

Student #3: “And I’m here to talk to you about donating to the alumni fund!”

Me: “Okay. Stop. Read my record. What does it say?”

Student #3: ”It says, ‘Do Not Call.’ Oh…” *hangs up*

(Year Four:)

Student #4: “I’m calling to talk to you about donating to the alumni fund!”

Me: “Again? Do y’all even read alumni notes before you call? What does my record say?”

Student #4: “But it’s for a good cause!”

Me: ”I asked nicely for y’all to stop, and you won’t. I’m still paying off my degree. Stop calling me. Do you understand?”

Student #4: “But it will help other students!”

Me: *click*

(The phone rings again. I pick it up.)

Me:  “Look, I know most kids who attend [College] are wealthy and can donate a lot. I AM NOT WEALTHY! I took out student loans to get a good education. I am still paying those loans off. STOP CALLING ME.” *click*

(It’s Year Five. I haven’t gotten any calls this year.)