Ferretting Out Falsehood Is A Full-Time Effort

(I work in a pet store. I have a pet ferret that I bring to work with me on occasion. I put him on a leash and harness and walk him around the store when we aren’t busy.)

Customer: “Godd***, that rat is huge!”

Me: “He’s not a rat; he’s a ferret. They aren’t—”

Customer: “F*** all that scientific bulls***! That’s a f***ing rat! That’s not your pet, is it?”

Me: “Yes, he is. But ferrets are not rodents. They’re mustelids.”

Customer: “A what?! Mustard lid?”

Me: “No, mustelid. They’re in the same family as otters, badgers, and weasels.”

Customer: “What’d you call it? A furret? My friend told me about those. They’ll f***ing bite your nose off!”

Me: “Well, one might, if it feels threatened, but I assure you they are actually very tame and affectionate animals. Would you like to hold him and see?”

(I pick my ferret up and cradle him in my arms like a baby. He immediately goes limp and nuzzles my shirt.)

Customer: *hesitantly reaches out to pet him* “Uh… well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try—”

(At that moment, my ferret opens his mouth wide for a particularly intense yawn, revealing his formidable canine teeth.)

Customer: “S***! That rat ain’t tame! He just tried to take my f***ing hand off! Crazy b****es and their godd*** face-eating rats!” *bolts out the door*