Fat Chance Of An Apology

(I am very heavily pregnant with twins, one boy and one girl, and have gone into labor a few weeks before my scheduled C-section. It should be noted I am rather short and plump, but my pelvis is so narrow I cannot give birth naturally. My husband is waiting with me; he is fifteen years older than me. He is also very tall. They have sent a nurse to retrieve me in the ER waiting room.)

Nurse: *stopping to look me over* ‘My, you’re a big one, aren’t ya? Well, sit down and we’ll get you back and prepped for your scan.’

Husband: “She’s not here to be prepped for a scan. We’re going upstairs.”

Nurse: “Scans are done back there, not upstairs.” *starts trying to push me but I dig my heels in as she pushes me to the back*

Me: “Listen, I need to go upstairs, not in the back. Now, please, kindly wheel me upstairs.”

Nurse: *not listening* “I realize when you are this obese that the scans and x-rays seem silly, but really it’s probably just gallstones and better to know now and get you on a diet to lose this tummy.” *looks at my husband* “I believe your daughter gets her size from you, sir.”

Husband: “I was sort of hoping my son did, but seeing as they’re both trying to come out now, what say we wait and see?”

Nurse: *sputtering* “I just thought she was fat and just wanted attention! I was just going to take her for an x-ray to calm her down! I’ll get her up to a birthing room!”

Husband: “We’re headed to the OR. She needs a c-section.”

Nurse: “Someone as fat as her just wants to be lazy and not push!”

(The nurse was reprimanded after she brought me literature on obesity and liposuction!)