Far More Dramatic Than The Movie He Was Stealing

(I am working restocking shelves and helping customers find books when I see a teenage boy with a number of huge boxy bulges under his tucked-in shirt, exactly the same size as the cases we use for DVD box sets.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

(We are forbidden to suggest or accuse a customer of stealing.)

Customer: “Uh… Hi. No, I was just about to leave.”

(He begins to walk slowly toward the side door, which opens inward. I begin walking after him at a quick pace; he sees me and increases his speed until he is running and I am trotting behind him. As he approaches the door, he doesn’t put out his hands and tries to use his shoulder to open the door at a run. He smashes headfirst into the door and starts bleeding pretty badly out of his nose. Our Loss Protection Manager grabs him and he begins to shriek. His parents hear this and come racing across the store and confront the LP Manager.)

Parent #1: “How dare you beat our son?!”

Parent #2: “I am a lawyer and am going to sue!”

(Then, [Parent #1] begins hitting the LP Manager and tries to wrestle away their son from him. The security guard for our plaza sees this from outside and, over the course of a minute or two, cuffs and subdues the teenager and his parents. It was extremely enjoyable to watch two of the three leave in a police car.)