Falling Into More Data Than You Know What To Do With

I used to be responsible for creating and distributing my company’s annual tactical and strategic plan every autumn. This looked out five years and described how much manufacturing would occur and how much product would be shipped out in detail. The results were sent out to departments — mainly two — that would use this data to create plans for their own areas. The results consisted of a few dozen three-dimensional data matrices and two three-inch-thick loose-leaf notebooks full of computer printouts.

Occasionally, other groups might require some of this data. They would tell me what selective information they needed, and I would readily provide it.

On rare occasions, I would get a call from someone I did not know. Now, while my job involved my disbursing this data (and I would gladly give the information asked for), I would not give it out without knowing who they are and what the data would be used for. I could always tell when someone was clueless about the data and what to do with it.

Caller: “Hello, I would like the Fall Plan.”

Me: “You would like the Fall Plan?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, did you want the manufacturing plan or the shipment plan?”

Caller: “Ummmmmm…”

Me: “Did you want both three-inch binders of printouts?”

Caller: *Pauses* “I’ll call you back.”

They never did.

Since they had no idea what they were asking for, my guess was they just wanted some prestige — “I have the plan!” If they really had a need, they would have called back asking for the exact information they required.

I never asked if they wanted the three-dimensional matrices. I figured the sound of their heads exploding would have hurt my ears.