Fail Caesar!

, , , , | Right | April 26, 2019

(I work at a popular fast food restaurant that sells chicken. During the lunch rush, we have people outside on iPads taking orders. I’m standing outside in my lane when a car approaches me to order. It’s a teen guy.)

Me: “Hi. Welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get started for you today?”

Teen: “I want a Caesar salad.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we actually don’t have Caesar salad. We have the Cobb salad, Market salad, and Southwest salad.” *hands him a menu*

Teen: *looks at me blankly*

Me: “Um. Well, I recommend the Cobb salad. That one is really good.”

Teen: *even though the menu literally says, word for word, every ingredient in the salads* “What comes in it?”

Me: *pointing at the list on the menu* “The Cobb salad comes with mixed greens, bacon, egg, corn, carrots, shredded cheese, red cabbage, grape tomatoes, and sliced-up fried chicken.”

Teen: “Okay. Um. Can I do that? But I don’t want mixed greens, corn, egg, carrots, tomatoes, or red cabbage.”

(So, just shredded cheese, bacon, and chicken?)

Me: “The mixed greens are the lettuce of the salad.”

Teen: “Oh. Okay, keep that, then.”

Me: “All right, so, a Cobb salad with chicken, cheese, and bacon only. And what kind of dressing would you like?”

Teen: “Caesar.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t have Caesar dressing.”

Teen: *looks at me blankly*

Me: *shows him the list of dressings* “We have avocado lime ranch, light Italian, garlic and herb ranch….” *lists off the rest of the dressings*

Teen: “Which one is the closest to Caesar?”

Me: “Um, well, I’m not really sure if there’s one close to Caesar. If you want, you can pick a couple of different dressings to try.”

Teen: “Is the Italian like Caesar?”

Me: “Not really. Italian is a vinaigrette and Caesar is more creamy.”

Teen: “Okay, uh… I guess I’ll do Italian. And avocado lime ranch. And creamy salsa. And garlic and herb ranch.”

(I just know the person who is going to bag this order with the insanely custom salad and four different dressing is going to be like, “What the heck?”)

Me: “Sure, sir, no problem. Anything else for you?”

Teen: “Uh… no. No, that’s it.”

Me: “All right. Your total is [total]. You can drive forward and they’ll take your payment at the red umbrella.”

Teen: *looks at me confused, and starts driving away very slowly* “Um. Where do I go?”

Me: *points at my coworker standing under the red umbrella not far from me* “If you’ll pull up right over there, sir, my coworker can take your payment.”

Teen: *continues to drive slowly forward and actually drives RIGHT past my coworker*

Coworker: “Sir! Right here! I can take your payment here.”

Teen: *slams on the brake* “Oh, okay.”

(My patience has never been tested so much.)

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