Facts Of Life

(When we were little, my dad would often entertain himself by telling my sister and me false stories as a joke to see if and how long we’d believe them.)

Dad: “The men and women who serve at restaurants are all called waitresses. We’re the waiters because we wait for the food.”

Dad: “Sticking your tongue out is against the Ten Commandments. If you stick your tongue out, you’ll go to Hell.”

Dad: “Mom doesn’t fart; she ‘foofers.’”

Dad: “Why don’t you go hide, and I won’t come find you.”

Dad: “Chuck E. Cheese isn’t mechanical; he goes and eats pizza after each of his shows! If you stay in the bathtub while it’s draining, you’ll go down the drain!”

(For the record, we’d always go and hide, and he’d always eventually feel a little guilty and come find us!)