Face-First Into A Selfish Jerk

I work at a small grocery chain on the east coast.

My coworker was going to lunch. He was walking out into the parking lot and did not look both ways before crossing the street. As a car was driving past, he stepped out into the road and walked face-first into the rear driver’s side door.

I know this sounds ridiculous, but I even verified it on camera; he’s just not the brightest bulb.

The woman driving immediately stopped the car and got out yelling. I was walking by, and I went to check to see if everyone was okay. I walked by the woman and knelt down beside [Coworker] to see if he was okay. [Coworker] was laughing, and he shook his head.

Coworker: “I’m okay. I’m not sure what happened, though!”

Meanwhile, the lady was yelling behind me.

Driver: “Aren’t you going to ask how I’m doing? My car was hit!”

I involuntarily laughed because of the absurdity of her being upset that I checked on the person hit by the car and not on the car first. This made the driver even angrier as she stepped forward and yelled at me again.

Driver: “I don’t think this is very funny! My brand-new car is damaged, and you are going to have to pay me for the damage!”

I finished helping [Coworker] up.

Coworker: “My ankle is twisted.”

I looked at the car, which was a late-2000s model car. I tried to see the “damage” and saw a small scratch that could’ve been from [Coworker].

Me: “Well, we will get it taken care of, ma’am. I suggest you call the police to fill out an accident report.”

Driver: “No, you need to pay me for my damages!”

I shook my head and laughed — this time on purpose because I felt that she was being beyond absurd.

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not going to be paying for anything. But if you’d like to call the police and fill out a report, they can handle everything.”

Driver: *Pointing at me* “F*** you, b****!”

Then, she got in her car and peeled out of the parking lot.

I’ve been trying to figure out what happened and why she wouldn’t call the police all day. Luckily, [Coworker] just had a sprained ankle, but the store manager filled out a report and made me write a statement just in case.