Express Yourself At The Express Checkout, Part 3
A guy comes into my express lane with a basket overflowing with groceries.
Me: “Sir, this is an express lane for fifteen items or less.”
Customer: “And?”
Me: “…and it looks like you have way more than fifteen items.”
Customer: “Just split it into multiple purchases.”
Me: “I’m not really supposed to do that, but if you split them into groups of fifteen, I will do it this time.”
Customer: *Waving at the basket, not even taking anything out.* “That’s okay; you can count them.”
Now… I am a fast cashier, one of the fastest in the store, actually. Something about this guy’s smugness got to me, so I decided to do as he has instructed.
You better believe I’m going as slow as f****** possible to run up this guy’s order. I take five to eight seconds per item, which doesn’t sound like much, but trust me, for a cashier, that’s slow.
Customer: “Can’t you go any faster?!”
Me: *Talking as slow as an Ent.* “No, sir, I have to make sure I don’t do more than fifteen per transaction. Now, was this item number six… or item number seven? Hmm, I can’t remember. Better start over to be sure.”
There’s another customer in line behind this a**hole. The customer turns to him and says:
Customer: “Can you believe this?! She’s doing this to me on purpose, and she’s holding you up!”
Other Customer: “The only person I see holding me up is the a**hole who bought fifty items into the express lane.”
Me: *Counting.* “Fourteen… Fifty! Oh, wait, did one of you say fifty? Now I’m all out of sorts. Better start again…”
Customer: “What the f***!”
The other customer is laughing his a** off, so I don’t feel too bad making him wait, too.
Customer: “Fine, here!” *He splits the rest of the order into two more groups of fifteen.” “There! Fifteen each!”
Me: *Getting to the first batch of fifteen items.* “Now… will that be cash or—”
Customer: “—Credit card.”
Me: *Deep slow breath.* “Let me finish, sir. Now… will that be cash or card—”
Customer: “—Credit card!”
Me: “—or check, or club points, or—”
Customer: “—God d*** it! Credit card!”
Me: “Please insert your card—”
Customer: *Inserts card.* “—there! Inserted!”
Me: *Deep slow breath.* “Oh, I wasn’t ready, sir. Please take it out, and I’ll reset the system.”
Customer: *Throwing his hands up in enraged frustration.* “F********ck yooooou!”
He storms out, leaving all his stuff behind. I start to gather up his leftovers and apologize to the waiting customer, now moving and talking at my regular fast pace.
Other Customer: “Oh, please, nothing to apologize for. That was f****** hilarious.”
Me: “I just felt if he didn’t respect the express lane, then I didn’t have to, either.”
Other Customer: “I was hoping you were gonna get halfway through, look at your watch, and say it was time for lunch and just leave him hanging.”
Me: “You just gave me an idea for next time!”
I had the other customer out of there in less than a minute. All the items that needed to be put back were so worth it.
Related:
Express Yourself At The Express Checkout, Part 2
Express Yourself At The Express Checkout
