Exposed For What It Really Is

(I’m working the opening shift at a chain coffee shop. It’s six am and I’m prepping for the morning rush at the bar.)

Female Customer: *quietly and embarrassed* “Hi. So, that man sitting outside by the window over there… I think he has his penis outside of his pants.”

(I look over and it’s a regular customer who pops in throughout the day. I turn back to her.)

Me: “Him, over there?”

Female Customer: ” Yes. I don’t know if maybe a male employee can go check and see?”

(I summon my male shift lead, who is confused at the accusation.)

Me: “If it’s true, I don’t want to know that much about him. Will you take a peek so I can help this woman feel, you know, not sexually harassed?”

(He reluctantly goes outside and talks to our regular and quickly heads back inside holding back a smile.)

Shift Lead: “He’s holding his sunglasses case in his lap.”

(The case was the exact same color as his skin tone. We told him about it later and all cracked up.)