Explaining It In Sign(s) Language
It’s a beautiful sunny day in London, and our pub/restaurant/beer garden is proving very popular. Children and under-eighteens are welcome in the restaurant and beer garden section, but the pub is strictly for adults only.
A couple sitting in the beer garden are not doing a good job of watching their children, and after the second time, I have had to escort the kids out of the pub:
Me: “Ma’am, sir, please keep your children in the beer garden or restaurant area. Anyone under eighteen is not allowed in the pub.”
Mum: “Oh, they’re just running around a little. It’s a sunny Saturday, let them play!”
Me: “This is a drinking establishment, not a playground. Please keep your children close by.”
Dad: “Where does it say we have to keep the children by our side?”
I point to a sign above the door leading into the pub.
Sign: “We believe that children are the future, and will be welcome in here, in the future, when they’re adults.”
Dad: “That just says keep them out of the pub. Fine. Nothing written there about not letting them play.”
I point to another sign, not as noticeable from here as it’s next to the restaurant entrance instead, but once pointed out, it’s quite legible:
Sign: “Unaccompanied children will be given a double espresso and a puppy.”
Under the sign, additions to the concept had been nailed into the wall in the form of separate, hand-painted wooden planks, so now the sign says:
Sign(s): “Unaccompanied children will be given a double espresso and a puppy… and taught how to swear… and given a drum kit… a bar tab in your name… a set of darts and absolutely no supervision… a flat cap and a strong northern accent… a pair of stilts… will be made to sit with Dave in the corner to listen to all his strong opinions.”
Dad: “The f*** is up with all those signs?!”
Me: “I can’t say, sir, but I think the point has been made. Please accompany your children if they’re not sitting with you at the table.”
They both scoffed, muttered about not being made to feel welcome, down their pints, and left quickly, hopefully to find a playground for those kids and their ludicrous amount of energy…
