Everything’s Peachy At The Office

I work for a small engineering business. The company is run by a couple of directors who have a small office off of the open-plan office where we designers work. One of the directors looks after the finances and manufacturing side, whilst the other director looks after the engineering and technical side of the business. It is fair to say that their sense of humour is heavily innuendo-based, and at times, I have gone into the office for some engineering reason but left after watching a “Beavis And Butthead”-style performance. 

For example, this morning, I have to make some amendments to a drawing after the engineering director requests a minor cosmetic change. I make the changes and bring in the modified drawings to be attached to the manufacturing route card — the all-important bit of paper that gives the machinist the instructions to make the item. The route cards are then passed on to the finance director who orders material, etc., and sends them on for manufacture. This particular item is a shaped dowel that provides support for the part when it is clamped in place on a mitre saw. This part is called a button. I give the engineering director the drawing.

Engineering Director: “Thanks.”

He starts searching his paperwork-strewn desk for the route card.

Engineering Director: “Have you got the card?”

Me: “No, you didn’t give that to me.”

Engineering Director: “Are you sure? I haven’t got it here.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure I haven’t, but you’ve got me doubting myself now. I can go and check my desk. Did you give it to [Finance Director]?”

Engineering Director: *With a grin* “Have you got saw buttons?”

The finance director responds loudly with a huge smile on his face.

Finance Director: “Sore buttons! Have I got sore buttons! How can you tell? Is it the huge grimace on my face?”

Anyway, that was this morning. Fast forward about half an hour, and I’m sat at my desk doing drawings and manning the phones whilst I wait for my lunch to start. My technical manager is having his lunch. The finance director comes out of his office making a jokey comment about how much work he has to do.

Technical Manager: “In a bit, is it okay if I come and see you before [Vendor] arrives?”

Finance Director: “Sure.”

Technical Manager: “I’ll come in when I’ve finished my yoghurt.”

Finance Director: “Finish the yoghurt? Is that some kind of euphemism?”

I try to insert a comment.

Me: “Clearly he is a man of culture!”

But I am largely ignored.

Finance Director: “I need to see my wife so I can finish my yoghurt!”

I realise that I am not going to be able to join in, so I decide to listen and enjoy the floor show whilst I work. I pick up my mug of tea and take a swig. Just then…

Technical Manager: “Very creamy and peachy.”

My half-mouthful of tea exits my mouth. Fortunately, as my mug is still in my mouth, the tea just returns to the mug. I swallow back a coughing fit, and with mock indignation, I call out:

Me: “Don’t say things like that! I very nearly sprayed my keyboard!”

Technical Manager: *Very suggestively* “Sprayed it with what?”

And my reaction to that? Let’s just say I had to wait a minute or two before I was able to finish my drink.