Every Time You Tell A Lie An Angel Gets A Beer

| Related | January 19, 2016

(I am visiting my parents, and am sitting at the local pub with my mum. She is somewhat drunk. We’ve been keeping a vague eye on the TV, which is showing a show with women wearing wings. My mum is a little annoyed by this so I decide to mess with her. I’m in my twenties.)

Mum: “Why are they wearing wings?”

Me: “What wings?”

Mum: “Look at the screen.”

Me: “I can’t see any wings, Mum. I think you’re seeing things.”

(This goes on a few times over the general course of the conversation but my mum can tell that I’m playing a (pretty obvious) joke on her.)

Mum: “If you don’t stop messing around, I’ll pour my beer on your head.”

Me: “But I really can’t see any wings, Mum. I think you’re losing it.”

(It goes on a few more times, with my mum making the same threat and even pretending to pour the beer once or twice, until:)

Mum: “See, wings!”

Me: “I can’t see any, Mum. Just some ladies.”

(At this point, she holds her glass over my head and I assume she’s joking around again until I feel something wet pouring onto my head and jeans.)

Me: “What? Seriously?”

Mum: “I told you I’d do it.”

Me: “You poured your beer on me!”

Mum: “You didn’t think I’d do it.”

Me: “Well, no, because why would anyone pour their beer on anyone? Hmph, I’m going to tell Dad.”

(I’m not actually mad — I was being consciously annoying, after all — so much as surprised, and a little amused, but after telling my dad and then going back to my mum and continuing the conversation, my mum starts to feel a little guilty.)

Mum: “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. It was just a joke.”

Me: “…You poured beer on me.”

Mum: “But you agree now that there were women wearing wings on the TV, right?”

Me: “…Nope.”

(I got a rude gesture that time. My dad’s biggest complaint was that he would have bought her a half if he’d known the rest of the pint was going to go on my head.)

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