Et Tu Brute Spoilers

(We’re reading the William Shakespeare play “Julius Caesar” in English class. My teacher is making us take parts and read it aloud while she stops us occasionally to ask a question or clarify what the characters are saying. After watching a week-long background movie on Julius Caesar’s life, we finally start reading the actual play. We’re about halfway through the first act.)

Teacher: “Caesar has been warned to ‘Beware the Ides of March,’ and with the middle of March in just a few days, you’d think he’d pay attention, but he doesn’t.”

Me: “Man, that really came back to stab him in the back.”

(General laughter.)

Teacher: “Yup, that’s what happens when your ego gets too big.”

Student #1: “Wait, why was that funny?”

Me: *a little uncertain* “Um, well, because of the whole stabbing Caesar in the Senate thing?”

Student #1: “Whoa! Spoilers! Not cool, dude.”

Teacher: “Caesar did die over 2000 years ago, so it’s kind of old news.”

Student #1: “Wait, what? Caesar was a real guy?”

(The teacher and I stare in disbelief. The rest of the class starts snickering.)

Student #1: *getting red in the face, totally serious now* “No, I mean, I thought he was like a really cool movie character Shakespeare made up.”

(The rest of the class loses it.)

Teacher: *doing her best not to laugh in the kid’s face* “No, [Student #1]. Julius Caesar was definitely a real person who lived and died in Ancient Rome. He’s why we have the month called July and not the month called Quintilius.”

Student #2: *totally serious, but quiet and somewhat ditzy girl* “Julius Caesar was a man?!”

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