Error: Tuition Not Found

(I’m in grad school. I work part-time at the university IT desk.)

Me: “This is [University] service desk. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. I’m having a problem with my computer. Could I schedule a time to come in?”

Me: “Sure thing. What’s your student ID number?”

Caller: “I don’t have one.”

Me: “You can find it on the back of your student ID.”

Caller: “I don’t have an ID.”

Me: “If you don’t have one of those yet, you can get it from the ID office in [Building]. Do you have any documents from [University]? Almost all documents you’d get from us have your ID at the top.”

Caller: “No. I’m not a student.”

Me: “Are you a faculty member, or an alumnus?”

Caller: “No. I’ve never been to [University]. I just heard you have tech support.”

Me: “Okay… I’m afraid we only offer support to students and faculty. I have the number of a local repair shop if you need it.”

Caller: “Will they charge me money?”

Me: “Probably.”

Caller: “But you offer your services for free.”

Me: “… TO STUDENTS. This is a help desk for students of [University] ONLY. We don’t offer support to the general public.”

Caller: “Why not?”

Me: “Because we’re not a computer repair shop. We’re a part of [University] and we exist solely to offer tech support to students and faculty. I’m afraid we can’t help you if you’re neither. Would you like that phone number now?”

Caller: “I don’t understand why you won’t just let me bring in my computer! It would only take a minute.”

Me: “We can’t service your computer because you’re not a student.”

Caller: “That’s so mean! What’s so special about being a student?”

Me: “Tuition?”