Error: No Brain Cells Matched Your Query

Let’s say this client’s database is for matching chairs for people who want them.

Client: “What we want is for the search function to bring through all possible chairs, and then we just pick one.”

Me: “I wouldn’t say that’s a good idea. First of all, if you just want to bring through all chairs, then you don’t need a search; you just need a query to pull up a list of all chairs, which is straightforward and you can already do. The search function is to help you narrow down suitable chairs based on criteria — to give you a shortlist and rule out the bad ones. It would be a string that would work something like, ‘Give me a list of all chairs within a certain price range, within twenty miles of my location, that are such and such a colour, and that are definitely for sale.’”

Client: “No, but that’s not what we want. We want to be able to search against the entire database for all of those chairs and then pick one.”

Me: “So why search for them?”

Client: “Well, we want to have all the options available.”

Me: “You want to look through a list of 400,000 chairs listed in alphabetical order and then pick one at random for a single purpose? And then repeat this for the other forty times you need to match the chair? Every day of the week?”

Client: “No, not at random. We want to choose.”

Me: *Headdesk*