Environ-Mental

(My friend and I are browsing t-shirts. We’re glad to be out of the 97-degree heat wave attacking all of Vermont. Suddenly, we hear an angry customer behind us.)

Customer: “It’s an outrage! You should be ashamed of yourselves!”

(We turn around and see a middle-aged man yelling at the two young ladies behind the register. He appears completely normal otherwise.)

Customer: “I refuse to shop here! This is completely immoral!”

(He begins to go around to every single customer and repeat some variation of this rant, which we can’t quite catch until he runs up to us.)

Customer: *to us* “Don’t shop here. Leave right now. They have their door open and the air conditioning on and it’s CRIMINAL! If you shop here, you hate the environment!”

(He goes to the door, spins around dramatically and yells out one last time.)

Customer: “This business supports global warming! Don’t give them your money; they’re trying to destroy the earth for profit!”

(He then stomps outside, presumably to repeat this same rant to every other store on the block.)

Cashier: *to us* “Our air conditioning isn’t even on…”

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