Enough To Put You Off The Men-u

(I work in a fine dining steak house. A group of middle-aged men have had a bad experience, so the manager asks me to deliver port and cigars on the house to them on the patio.)

Me: “Hello, gentlemen; we’d like to offer these to you on the house. I understand your experience wasn’t what you expected of us and we sincerely apologize.” *begins handing out the items*

Customer #1: “Well, look at you. How about you give us a little spin around?”

Me: “Umm… no. I’m all right, thanks.”

Customer #2: *laughs* “Oh, are you ‘one of those?'”

Me: “Sir, if you’re suggesting I’m a lesbian, no. However, I’m not exactly sure what my personal preferences have to do with you.”

Customer #1: “No need to get uppity, honey! So, what’s it gonna take for you to come hang out with us when you get off?”

Me: “I beg your pardon? Are you asking how much I am? If so, you can’t afford it.”

Customer #1: “Oh, I’m pretty well off, darlin’.”

Me: “There’s not enough money in the world, sir.”

(The group laughs.)

Customer #1: “Fine. Well, where’s a good gentleman’s club around here? Maybe you can meet us there later and see where this goes.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t frequent those establishments personally. You may find one on your own time. Secondly, you have chosen to be misogynistic and sexually abusive to the only feminist in this entire building. Think about that. Third, I have never known any true gentlemen who visit strip clubs regularly, which you seem to do. Have a good evening.”

(My manager’s response? ‘They’re only playing around!’ Needless to say, I quit shortly after that!)

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