Email Fail: The Spectacular

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Friendly | February 8, 2017

(Before me, my roommate/friend had another… less stable roommate. He tells me what was the first incident, about half a month in when he thought his roomie wasn’t a bad guy.)

Ex-Roomie: “Hey, can I get your email? I don’t really use many other social Internet stuff. I prefer texts and emails way more.”

Friend: “Sure! It’s [email].”

(Not out of place, especially since my friend does use his email a lot. On another day, they have some free time and my friend is kind of coerced into a conversation about themselves.)

Ex-Roomie: “Sucks that we can’t own any animals besides fish here. Have you ever had any pets?”

Friend: “Not many. I had a dog when I was younger and now my family has two cats.”

Ex-Roomie: “Lucky! What was the dog’s name?”

Friend: “Sparky. Old lab. Miss him, to—“

Ex-Roomie: “Yeah, yeah. Wow, you’re lucky man. Never had pets myself. I grew up in [State]. Where are you from?”

Friend: “Oh, I’m from around here.”

Ex-Roomie: “No, no. Where did you grow up?”

Friend: “Well, not far off from here, near downtown.”

Ex-Roomie: “Oh, yeah, I’ve got some friends that grew up over there, too! Do you know them?”

Friend: “Uh… I wouldn’t really know? What’s their—“

Ex-Roomie: “Aw, come on! You’ve GOTTA know them. What street did you live on?”

Friend: *concerned, but doesn’t know where this is leading* “Uh… [Street]? My, um, family doesn’t live there though, and I only had a handful of fr—“

Ex-Roomie: “Ah, nah. They don’t live around there. Your family doesn’t live here anymore? Where’d they go?”

(This went on for a bit. For my friend, though it felt a bit intrusive, it wasn’t too weird. He’s naturally a shy guy so he thought his roommate was just really inquisitive and wanted to get to know him. However, in hindsight, everything clicked together for the little fiasco that happened later on.)

Ex-Roomie: *swears and storms out of his rooms to open the fridge*

Friend: *eating cereal* “What?”

Ex-Roomie: “YOU F****** LIED TO ME, THAT’S WHAT!” *grabs the gallon of milk and starts to chug as much as he can*

Friend: “Wait, what?”

Ex-Roomie: *crying* “F*** YOU! YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO SEE ME LIKE THIS!”

(He ended up CHUCKING THE MILK TO THE GROUND, spilling it everywhere, and storming back to his room. Apparently, he was trying to break into my friend’s email account because he noticed him using it so much and wanted to prank him by sending d*ck pics to everyone in his contacts. My friend found this out a day later, when the roommate invited all his friends over, got drunk, and all started heckling my friend as if he was the one being the spoil sport about it and “couldn’t take a joke.” That roommate did not last long, especially after some more property damage and when he inappropriately started to hit on the landlord’s daughter and tried blaming it on my friend. My friend is gay, by the way.)

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