Eeny, Meeny, Miny, No

| Working | April 27, 2013

(I live in Norway and speak Norwegian, but my English proficiency is better. When I get calls from telemarketers, I like to ask them to speak English as it scares most of them away and saves me from needless conversation.)

Telemarketer: “Hi! This is [name] from [TV provider]. May I ask what TV provider you have?

Me: “Yes, we use [competitor]. And could I please ask you to speak English?”

(To my surprise, he is not taken aback at all.)

Telemarketer: “Yes! I looooooooooooooooove speaking English! I love talking to new people and having new experiences!”

Me: “Okay.”

Telemarketer: “May I ask how much you pay per month?”

Me: “My husband was the one who closed the deal with them so I don’t know the exact number, but it’s something in the 200 Norwegian Kroner area.”

Telemarketer: “That’s impossible.”

Me: “No, I’m quite positive I’m right.”

Telemarketer: “What kind of package do you have?”

Me: “Well, we really don’t watch much TV, so we only have the few public channels, plus five more channels.”

Telemarketer: “But that’s insane! You pay so much per channel! Our package is MUCH cheaper than that!”

Me: “You can look at it that way, but we only ever want to watch these channels. There is no point for us to pay more and get more channels, if we’re not going to watch them. There is no package which is overall cheaper than what we pay.”

Telemarketer: “But with our package, you can pay 350 Norwegian Kroner and get 30 channels! You would have three sports channels and a selection of children TV!”

Me: “350 Kroner is around 150 Kroner more than we pay for channels we will not watch. My husband buys sports content online when there’s something he wants to watch, and we have no kids at the moment.”

Telemarketer: “But you will get so many more channels!”

Me: “We don’t need them.”

Telemarketer: “But you’ll be able to go, ‘EENY, MEENY, MINY, MOE!'”

Me: “…”

Telemarketer: “So… no?”

Me: “No.”

Telemarketer: “Yeah… I didn’t think so.” *click*

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