Easily Gets Hopping Mad

(I am in first grade and lining up outside the cafeteria for lunch. I’m walking along when I randomly decide to hop the last two steps into the cafeteria. A teacher assigned to watch the students spots me and immediately rushes over.)

Teacher #1: “What are you doing!? You don’t play in the cafeteria!”

(She drags me by my arm over to a nearby chain-link fence and I’m told to face the wall and wait until everyone else goes in. After about five minutes I sneeze very violently, smashing my head into the fence and making a loud racket.)

Teacher #1: “What did I tell you about making a commotion! That’s it; stand here and face the wall and DON’T MAKE A SOUND, YOU LITTLE BRAT!”

(She pushes me into a corner outside the entrance and goes into the cafeteria to check on the other kids. After my lunch period ends she doesn’t come back but, too scared to do anything, I simply stand there for the next 90 minutes as the second and then third graders have their lunch. Eventually a new teacher shows up to watch the final shift with the fourth graders when she spots me still standing in the corner.)

Teacher #2: “Hey, kid, why aren’t you in the cafeteria?”

Me: *tearfully* “But, I’m not supposed to leave.”

(Teacher #2 tries to lead me into the cafeteria to eat, but I refuse to, saying that my lunch period is over and I have to get to class.)

Teacher #2: “Wait, how old are you?”

(After saying I’m in the first grade, she immediately takes me to the office.)

Teacher #2: ” Principal [Name], I found your missing first grader.”

(It turned out that my classroom teacher had phoned into the office that I had been missing for the last two hours and had most of the staff in the school looking for me. Eventually Teacher #1 walks into the office where she ended up being forced to explain why she detained me for so long. After spending several minutes going on about ‘deviant behavior’ and ‘moral failings’ the principal blatantly tells her to list every school violation she saw me perform.)

Teacher #1: *sputtering* “Well, the little brat was hopping around like some demented animal into the cafeteria!”

(Apparently this was more than enough in her mind to justify holding me for so long. Thankfully, the principal disagreed and she was removed from the supervisor roles.)