E-Commerce, E-Cigarettes, Egads!
A client wanted an e-commerce website built to sell e-cigarettes and vapes — completely custom. I was starting out, so I agreed to build the website for a tiny amount. We started working on a design.
Client: “I want this black background with blue text. That will look cool.”
Me: “That will be difficult to see.”
Client: “Well… let’s see how it looks.”
I set the colors.
Client: “Can we make that blue stand out? Make it bold.”
Me: “Sure.”
I updated the colors.
Client: “Hmm. Can we make it brighter?”
Eventually, it was white text on a black background.
Me: “May I suggest we go with black text on white?”
Client: “Okay… Oh, that looks better. Why didn’t you suggest that before?”
Me: *Losing the will to live* “That’s fine. Now, for the header…”
Client: “Well, I want it to be this bubble font. Let’s make it turquoise. And I want a smoke-filled background.”
I made the design, hoping he’d realise how bad it was. (Looking at the page was giving me a headache.)
Client: “I like that. It’s different from the others.”
Me: *Internally* “Yeah, because it’s terrible in every way.”
We went back and forth on design elements, and eventually, it was readable. Then, we got onto functionality — shopping cart, payment gateway, and a growing list of features.
Client: “I want it simple — nothing too advanced.”
I made an e-commerce website that was simple enough.
Client: “What is this? It’s too basic. I want more features.”
Me: “Okay. What features?”
Client: “I don’t know. Make it better, like all the other ones. I want [list of things Amazon has].”
Me: “Okay. Though, I will have to charge extra.”
Client: “Why? Amazon didn’t pay for those features!”
Me: “They most certainly paid tens of thousands of dollars for a team of professionals to produce those features.”
Client: “Says you!”
I built several features. He was yelling about the project taking too long. He had already threatened to hire a massive company to build this for him. He claimed that what I had produced was rubbish and that I was taking too long. (In total, I had spent four months working when I could.)
Me: “If you are unhappy, I can undo the changes made, and we can part ways. Although, a company will charge thousands of dollars to build a bespoke e-commerce site, and they could take up to a couple of months to build the product to your requirements.”
Client: “But at least it will actually be decent.”
Me: “Okay, I understand. I will remove my website from your server, and we will part ways.”
Client: “But that’s my website. You cannot take it.”
Me: “Well, since you will not pay, this is my Intellectual Property. We signed no contract to state otherwise. I have set up the server and sorted out the security (with SSL). I am building your website for a pittance, frankly. If you intend to hire another party, I retain all rights.”
The client started getting abusive, calling me a robbing c***.
Me: “I’m sorry you feel robbed, but I have not been paid, and you will not work with me.”
More cursing from the client.
Me: “I think it is better that we part ways.”
I took down the website.
Client: “What’s going on? Why isn’t the website up?”
Me: “You did not want to pay me for my services, and it would be better that we go back to before I accepted the project.”
Client: “I don’t care. Either put the website up, or I will kick in your front door and [continuing list of abuse].”
I would’ve been scared, but this client had a list of health issues and wouldn’t have been able to do anything.
