Drownded In Fake Calls

, , , , , | Right | January 1, 2018

(This happens while covering a break in the electronics department. The phone there is the only portable one in the store, and sometimes new or lazy operators will send phone calls there that don’t belong to that section)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store] electronics. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, yeah, could you transfer me over to the toilet section?”

Me: *suspicious already that the customer sounds like a child* “Unfortunately, we don’t have any phones over there, and I couldn’t transfer you from here. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yeah, my toilet broke. Could you tell me which ones you guys sell?”

Me: “Uh. All we carry are toilet seats, actually; we don’t sell toilets.”

Customer: “That’ll work!”

(At this point I am concerned that this isn’t a legitimate call, but I try to play along for a bit in an attempt not to hang up on a customer.)

Me: “I don’t really know anything about toilets, so I can’t really help you.”

Customer: “Well, can I tell you what’s wrong, and then you can see if you can help me?”

Me: “Uh, I can’t really—”

Customer: “So, what happened was I took this giant s***, and when I tried to reach in with my hand to get it, I got stuck, so I had to break it to get free, and now I need a new toilet.”

Me: *sigh* “Oh. Unfortunately, we don’t sell toilets here, so you’ll have to go to [Home Repair Store], or call a plumber.”

Customer: “I did call a plumber! And when he came to help he got stuck, too, and… and he drownded!”

Me: “Okay, hon. I’m going to hang up now, all right?”

Customer: “No, don’t hang up!”

Me: *click* “Well, that’s five minutes I’ll never get back.”

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