Driving Them To Drive And Drink

I’m working a quiet evening shift when a middle-aged man slaps a bottle of whiskey on the counter with a scowl.

Customer: “You know, I can get this exact same bottle for five dollars cheaper in [town fifty miles south]!”

Me: *Cheerful, polite retail voice.* “That’s a pretty good price, sir.”

He squints at me, clearly expecting me to knock a few dollars off right there.

Customer: “Well? What are you gonna do about it?”

Me: “Nothing, sir. If you want to drive fifty miles south, spend your gas money, and about two hours of your day to save five bucks, you should absolutely do that.”

Customer: “You’re saying I shouldn’t be giving you my business?!”

Me: “No, I’m saying you should drive there if you want to save five dollars. Otherwise, you could pay the price here and be home in five minutes with your bottle open already.”

He stares at me, thinking I will fold if he keeps this up a few moments longer. When he realizes that’s not happening, he grumbles, pays full price, and stomps off.

Coworker: “Think he’ll drive fifty miles next time?”

Me: “Fifty miles away from here?! One can hope!”