Driven By ‘Quiet’ Words

, , , , , , | Related | July 14, 2017

(My boyfriend asks me to play golf with him and his friend. The friend is driving us and seeing as I live in the suburb between them the logical thing is for the friend to pick me up on the way to my boyfriend’s house. I am almost ready as he arrives so invite him into the house and quickly introduce him to my dad who tells me he needs to have a quiet word to me in the kitchen.)

Dad: “So why are you going out with him? What about [Boyfriend]?”

Me: “We aren’t going out. He’s picking me up on his way to [Boyfriend]’s place.”

Dad: “It’s not right. He should have picked [Boyfriend] up first and come back to get you. You should tell him to do that.”

Me: “He’s doing us a favour. I am not going to tell him to drive 15 minutes there and 15 minutes back and then drive back past [Boyfriend]’s place to get to [Golf Club].”

Dad: “It’s still not right. You need to think about [Boyfriend] before you get in the car with this guy.”

Me: “Well, I’m going.”

(Later.)

Friend: *to Boyfriend* “I have to say that [My Name]’s father must like you; you should have heard him having a ‘quiet’ word to her in the kitchen.”

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  • Adrian Mckeehan

    This sounds like your dad doesn’t trust you very much.

    • TimeandSpaceGamer

      Or doesn’t trust the boy

      • Adrian Mckeehan

        Considering her dad asked what happened to “boyfriend” he probably assumed she broke up with him and didn’t like the new guy.

        Oh there are so many things to speculate on

    • heymoe2001

      Seems to think of her as an object or possession.
      It’s pretty creepy.

      • Flami

        Or seems to think that Boyfriend should be overly possessive about her friendships with other guys.

      • Leah

        I don’t know where you get that idea from. Thinking that a person shouldn’t be alone with another person is not thinking of them as an object. I think the father was being over-the-top, but I don’t see where you pulled that idea from.

        • heymoe2001

          The father makes it pretty clear that the OP shouldn’t be traveling anywhere without her “owner”. That sounds like an object to me.

    • Leah

      Or maybe it just means he doesn’t trust this bloke he’s never met before? I mean I think the father was being a bit ridiculous but I don’t think that’s a fair assumption to make.

      • Adrian Mckeehan

        I think it’s perfectly fair. He immediately assumed she was dating new guy. Even after she cleared it up he still wanted him to leave.

        Either way seems like she has a perfectly fine relationship with her boyfriend.

  • divgradcurl

    Dad was way out of line here, bordering on creepy. I hope the OP had a “quiet” word with him later.

  • Silverion Sairee

    The dad sounds ‘old fashioned’ and by that I mean sexist.
    He thinks that a guy and a girl can’t be alone together unless they’re dating.
    And that it’s borderline cheating to get in the car of another guy.
    Which is ridiculous. Guys and gals can be friends contrary to belief.

    • Ohmygosh that’s the most shocking news I’ve heard today! Guys and girls can be JUST friends?! Who knew?!

      • Kalu-chan

        You’d be surprised how often people tell me how awful I am to keep one of my best friends in the “friendzone” simply because I’m a girl and he’s a guy. Noooo, no way the dude with a bunch of female friends and a girlfriend wants just friendship! Nah, poor guy wants more and I’m obviously a b*tch for just being a friend!

        • PimpKat

          Still don’t get why people goes so mental over being “friendzoned” when they have a crush that isn’t returned. Yeah it hurts but if they don’t like you, they don’t like you.

      • Cathrope

        Does the President know? What about Congress? The man on the MOON?!? We need to get this NEWS out people!

    • Huck Perry

      agreed

  • Caroline Levén

    Looks like daddy has trust issues.

  • Esidara

    What does he think you’re going to do? Fall onto this guy because your boyfriend isn’t around? He doesn’t think much of you and your sense of loyalty.

    • Leah

      Some people have old-school views about how things *look* rather than being worried about something actually happening. I doubt the father is worried about HER doing anything with this guy – perhaps he doesn’t trust the guy – but I err on the side of thinking he’s probably just more concerned about how it *looks* and her reputation. Yes, it’s old-school and ridiculous these days and people aren’t going to be worried about a girl getting a lift with a guy who’s not her boyfriend. But in past times that wasn’t the done thing and it might have *looked* bad and if he’s an older father that could be all he’s worrying about. Dumb? Yes. But doubting her loyalty? No.

      • Esidara

        It was the “think about your boyfriend before you get in a car with this guy” and the “So why are you going out with him? What about [Boyfriend]?” that made it sound to me as though the father doubts OPs loyalty and thinks they’re cheating, or about to.

        If it were concerns for their safety, the phrasing would likely be ‘you shouldn’t get in a car alone with this guy” and if the concerns were for appearances, it’d be “think about how it looks” or “think what [boyfriend] will say”

        • KashyaCharsi

          Even in my childhood, I was annoyed with the assumption that just because two people are of the opposite gender and so much as acknowledge each other, they MUST have something romantic/sexual going on between them.

      • mashava

        The dad is a sexist creep. Stop defending him.

        • TheWonderRabbit

          Thinking a girl shouldn’t be alone with a man she isn’t dating DOESN’T mean her dad can’t think a man also shouldn’t be alone with a woman he isn’t dating.

          Being old fashioned doesn’t automatically make one sexist.

  • Well, I’m definitely glad it’s just OP’s dad, and not the boyfriend as well, who has those outdated views. Still sucks though.

  • Doom Shepherd

    My mother had similar issues when I was hanging out and playing D&D with a woman I met in grad school while she was long-distance engaged to her long-time boyfriend, later husband.

    “What will people think?”
    “Well mom, it’s 1995, nobody cares.”
    “But what if…”
    “MOM. One, she’s not interested in me, she loves her fiancée. Believe me, I’m quite certain of both of those points. We’re REALLY just good friends.

    Two, even if I AM interested in her (and to be honest, I WAS totally in love with her, she was an amazing woman), YOU should know me well enough to know that I’m NOT the type of man who would EVER try to break up a happy, healthy couple, which they are. Nothing’s going to happen. Nothing could ever possibly happen.”

    And of course nothing did. I eventually met another awesome woman who was also single, and things went from there. Still together 20 years later.
    The first woman… passed away last year. Still broke my damn heart.

  • KashyaCharsi

    “Well, dad, it will be a good test for [Boyfriend]. If he minds me spending a minute with a mutual friend just because he is male, he is a budding abuser I should stay away from.”