Little Yellow Lies

(I work as a magical clown at a theme park aimed at children aged eight and under. Between shows I wander around the park chatting to everyone, drumming up interest for my next performance. The weather this day has quite a bit of rain. I happen to pass by the medieval castle where a small party of school children are standing under the parapet. Their escort, a cast member dressed as Captain Hook, is trying to stop them from doing something.)

Captain Hook: “Stop that. It’s not clean!”

(The children are stood under some guttering that is leaking. The rain run-off from the parapet is flowing out of the gap in the guttering, and into the mouths of the children stood below.)

Captain Hook: “Please, stop it!”

Kid #1: “It’s just rain water.”

Me: “Hey kids!” *they turn and look at me* “You see Robin Hood and his friends up there?”

(I point up to the top of the castle, where cast members dressed as Robin Hood and his merry men are placed.)

Kids: “Yeah?”

Me: “Well, they live up there on the tower. They don’t have a toilet up there, unfortunately, so when they need to go for a wee, where do you think they go?”

Kid #2: “Over the wall?”

Me: “No, they go on the floor. Now, all that wee then runs off through the gaps in the wall into the guttering…”

Kids: “Oh…” *realizes* “EWWWWW!” *cue much spitting*

Me: *to Captain Hook* “Lying to kids is the best part of my job!”