Don’t Vex The D-Rex

(At the music store where I work, two girls who are probably in their early-mid teens approach my till, hand in hand. I go through their rather long order, and after awhile they start getting really overtly sexual—feeling one another up, biting necks, etc.)

Me: “Excuse me, but can you please not do that in the store? That kind of behavior isn’t really appropriate for public places and it makes some of our customers uncomfortable.”

Girl #1: “What the f***? What’s wrong with kissing my girlfriend? F***ing homophobic b****!”

Me: “Homophobia has nothing to do with it. Those kind of activities aren’t appropriate in public when they’re disturbing others.”

(Girl #2 by this point seems completely uncomfortable, but Girl #1 just keeps rolling along.)

Girl #1: “It’s a**holes like you that make this world horrible! You f***ing homophobe! How dare you tell me I can’t kiss my girlfriend in public! I wanna talk to your f***ing manager! I’m going to get you fired!”

(The Manager on Duty has been standing nearby with a huge grin on his face.)

Me: “Yo, wanna weigh in on this, boss man?”

Manager: “No, no. I’ll let you break it to her…”

Girl #1: *to my manager* “You’re not going to tell her off for being a homophobe?! What, do you have a problem with queer people too, you f***ing a**hole?!”

(My manager just folds his arms and his grin gets even bigger.)

Manager: “Not really. She’s also the last person I’d accuse of being homophobic.” *to me* “So how’s your girlfriend, [me]?”

Me: “Well, she got her certification and is working as an electrician. So, pretty well I think.” *to the girls* “Incidentally, I’m not a ‘homophobic b****’… I’m a raging dykeasaurus. I also know that there’s a time and a place for groping my girlfriend, and a mall full of people isn’t on the list. It’s called public decency and has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. Now, are you going to stop swearing and act like a big girl, or am I going to void this transaction and kick you out?”

Girl #1 & Girl #2: *both look absolutely mortified and go quiet*

(Later on, Girl #2 actually came back with a coffee shop gift card and apologized. She was as sweet as could be and totally embarrassed. She apparently loved the word ‘dykeasaurus’, though, and I got a $10 gift card out of it!)