Don’t Stirrup Trouble

I work in a grocery chain that’s famous for having a coin-op horse at the front of the store that kids can ride for only a penny. The horse is actually sturdy enough to hold multiple children at once… or one full-grown adult.

One summer afternoon, a clearly drunk woman came in to buy something, saw the horse, and squealed like a little kid while she ran over for a ride. People leave pennies on the base of the machine for kids whose parents don’t carry any. She did get her ride, but one of my managers had to help her off and gently tell her that she couldn’t be in the store while intoxicated.

Naturally, this passed into store legend, and I started using it as part of my “at least you’re not THAT person” spiel I use when the good customers get embarrassed about needing extra help. Most of the time, it makes people laugh and relax, but it has backfired exactly once.

On that day, I was helping a customer who was shopping with a friend. She said something about being a bother, so I jumped to reassure her.

Me: “Oh, it’s no problem. We don’t get mad at you as long as you don’t spill blueberries, smash a jar of spaghetti sauce, or try to ride [Horse] while drunk.”

Instead of laughing, the customer immediately turns to her friend.

Customer: “Hey, [Friend], I know what we should do this weekend! Let’s get drunk and ride [Horse]!”

I kept an eye out just in case she was serious, but to my knowledge, neither she nor her friend came in on the weekend to molest our poor horse while drunk. Poor beast gets enough abuse from sticky toddlers!