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Don’t Ruin The Delusion Of This Delicate Little Flour

, , , , , | Right | June 11, 2018

(I am at a restaurant known for their southern cooking from scratch with my daughters for my eldest’s 12th birthday. As we are seated, we can overhear the woman at the table behind us.)

Customer: *to waitress* “Honey, I am absolutely allergic to gluten. I cannot have any gluten on my plate. Please tell the chef, or else I’ll blow up like a balloon and have to go to the hospital!”

Waitress: “Of course, ma’am. We take customer allergy very seriously here. We have a lot of items for those with a gluten allergy to choose from. Have you decided what you would like?”

Customer’s Husband: *orders*

Waitress: “And for you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes, honey, I think I will have the double-fried chicken, with side salad, mashed potatoes with gravy, and two of your delicious drop biscuits.”

(The waitress gets a pained look on her face and the woman’s husband just buries his face in his palms because he surely knows what’s coming next.)

Waitress: “Um, ma’am, our chicken is coated in a flour base, our gravy is made with flour, and so are our drop biscuits. The only things you ordered that are gluten-free are the mashed potatoes and salad.”

Customer: *without missing a beat* “Oh, no, honey. Listen. I can have flour; I just can’t have any of that gluten stuff.”

Waitress: “But, ma’am—”

Husband: *interrupting the waitress, looking at her with a pained expression* “It’s fine.” *he gives her the “I’m sorry” look* “She isn’t allergic to flour.”

Waitress: *sensing what the husband was doing* “My apologies, ma’am. Let me go put this in for you.”

(As soon as the waitress leaves, the wife starts to complain about how none of these waitresses know what they are talking about when she tells them she’s allergic to gluten.)

Customer: “It means I’m allergic to the gluten they put in the food back in the kitchen, not flour! Why doesn’t anyone understand this?! Everywhere I go, I get told there is flour in everything I order! I’M NOT ALLERGIC TO FLOUR, JUST GLUTEN!”

Husband: “Yes, honey, I know you’re not allergic to flour… just gluten.”

(Two minutes later, the waitress came out and set down a bowl of salad. The woman quieted down. Just as she finished her salad, her food arrived, and she happily ate everything on her plate without swelling up like a balloon and needing to go to the hospital.)