Don’t Hold Him To It

(The lights in the restroom have failed. I call mall security to let someone know.)

Me: “Hi, I’m calling because the lights in the men’s room outside [Store] have failed.”

Security: “Ah. Thanks for letting us know. Please hold.” *to someone else* “HEY! Bulb’s blown in the s***in’-room by [Store]! Get one of the maintenance sons-of-b****es down there ASAP!” *to me* “Hi. Thanks for hold… Uh. We’re going to pretend that we live in a universe where I hit ‘hold’ instead of ‘speakerphone.’ Okay?”