Don’t Go Gentle On Him

(My cousin is probably the rudest person I’ve ever met. Whenever he’s in town, I beg my parents to let him stay with them so he doesn’t stay at my apartment, because he’s always so rude to my female neighbors. This particular visit, he DOES have to stay at my house, and I’ve recently gotten a new neighbor.)

Cousin: “D***, baby, youse all kinds of ffooiine!”

(My neighbor replies absently as she looks through her mail.)

Neighbor: “Don’t use words you can’t spell, Dear; it’s not cute.”

Cousin: “Hey, b****! You owe me respect; you best be showing it!”

Neighbor: “Do something to earn it.”

(My cousin runs ahead and opens the door he thinks she’s headed to.)

Cousin: “A true gentleman opens the door for a b****, and then slaps her a**!”

Neighbor: “Does that also mean ‘true gentlemen’ have broken wrists?”

Cousin: “You can’t break my wrist; youse a girl!”

(My cousin tries to grope her, and ends up face-first in the carpet in a submission hold.)

Neighbor: “I’m going to give you a little tip: don’t try to grope corrections officers.”

Cousin: “You’re a WHAT?!”

Neighbor: “And I would recommend that you actually learn what being a true gentleman means if you really want people to treat you with respect.”

(She lets him go, and heads back to her apartment. I’ll admit, though, after this my cousin actually did try to be a better person, and was WAY more respectful!)