Don’t Go Down To The Woods Today

(My friend is texting me while she’s with her boyfriend. They haven’t had sex yet, but she’s been telling me they’re getting close.)

Friend: “Yeah, we’re going for a walk now.”

Me: “Am I c**k-blocking?”

Friend: “Haha no. We’re just walking.”

Me: “Right. You two are going to have sex in the woods.”

Friend: “NO!”

Me: “Okay…”

(The conversation returns to normal for about five minutes before her texts start coming in a little funny.)

Me: “What did that say?”

Friend: “Sorry. Um… He started… Yeah… sorry. One second.”

Me: “You sure I’m not c***-blocking?”

Friend: “Ok, maybe a little.”

Me: “A little?”

Friend: “I’ll text you tomorrow…?”

Me: “Sounds good. BE SAFE!”

(The next day she texted me and told me they in fact had sex in the woods. She still hasn’t heard the end of it.)