Don’t Get Between Lesbians And Their Balls

(The bowling center where I work has a gay bowling league in it. I am also gay, but don’t know about the league at the time. A small family comes in as the league is bowling and two of the little girls start running around in the bowling area, disturbing a few of the league patrons. They disturb a few of the more “butch” lesbians, and they tell the kids not to run around here, etc. The parents don’t like the customers yelling at the kids, so they complain to the manager. The manager gives them a small discount and a few free game passes to come back at another time when the bowling center isn’t filled with leagues. She also tells them how good that league is, and that the ladies probably didn’t mean any harm. About two weeks later, these people come in again when we are not busy at all. The one mother says to the other mother in the group — while right next to me at the check-in desk:)

Customer: “There aren’t any gays or lesbians here, are there?”

Me: *eyes go wide* “Uh… Why?”

Customer: *sarcastically* “Well, we don’t want to disturb them again and make them all upset!”

(I hold my tongue, give the parents and kids their shoes, and send them down to their lane. I am pretty offended; I know what she meant, though she didn’t need to say it that way. I go into the manager’s office to tell her that “they” are back, and I tell her what the woman said.)

Manager: “Do you mind if I tell them you are gay? I want to ‘mess’ with them a bit.”

Me: “Sure!”

(I kind of hide a bit, trying to hear this conversation. The manager goes down, says hello to the customers, and chit chats a bit as she leads into telling them how friendly the gay league is and how they are some of our favorite customers, etc. She then says:)

Manager: “Yeah, even the guy at the desk is gay, and he’s a hard worker!”

(The one mother actually says:)

Customer: “OH, NO!”

(She puts her hands on her cheeks with big, bugged eyes like Macaulay Culkin in “Home Alone.” She tells the manager what she said, and says that she feels badly. When the family comes up to pay:)

Customer: *in a very sorrowful tone* “Hi. I didn’t mean what I said before.”

Me: “Yeah, you shouldn’t have said that, but I know what you meant.”

(They were very nice and sweet as they left. I told the manager how they apologized in their own way, and we had a small laugh about it in the office. She then told me that during their conversation, one of the ladies said, “Oh… Well, he WAS wearing a purple shirt.”)