Don’t Fret Over A Cigarette

(I work security at an arena that hosts professional hockey games. Often, during intermissions, patrons try to smoke cigarettes inside the stairwells instead of the outdoor smoking areas, which is against state law.)

Me: “Hey, you can’t smoke in here.”

Patron: “It’s okay, man. It’s not a cigarette.”

Me: “Sorry man, no e-cigarettes inside either. They look too much like regular cigarettes, and people complain.”

Patron: “Come on, man. It’s not a cigarette.”

(As I am walking over to him, a distinctive smell hits my nose.)

Me: “Is… is that pot?”

(I told him that I would escort him to the outdoor smoking area, but I led him to the cops and explained the situation. As I walked away, I kept hearing him repeat, ‘but it’s not a cigarette!’)