Don’t Bring Jesus Into The Bedroom

(My husband and I recently ordered some toys for the bedroom online because we figured we might give it a try. Fast forward to the day of arrival. We get woken up by loud bangs on the door, which I find odd since we have a loud and functioning doorbell, but since I’m fairly confident it must be for a good reason, I go and sleepily open the door. I am greeted by the angry face of a delivery driver in his mid-40s.)

Driver: “You are a disgrace to Jesus.”

Me: *trying to not fall asleep where I stand* “Wha…?”

Driver: “I am not giving you this.”

(This is where I notice the large package in his hands. It’s ripped open and barely taped together on one side. I also start to understand what’s going on.)

Me: “I don’t need your opinion on my purchases, thank you very much.”

Driver: “I am not giving you this. I can’t have you insult Jesus!”

Me: “Give. Me. My. Package.”

Driver: “NO!” *stomps off*

Me: *baffled*