Don’t Be Forward, Just Lean Forward

(A customer with rather large breasts approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me; can you help me please?”

Me: “Of course, ma’am. What can I help you find today?”

Customer: “I’m looking for books about plastic surgery.”

Me: “Ah, I see. Well, let’s just look on the computer and see what we can come up with. Do you have a particular area you’re interested in reading about?”

Customer: “I bet you can’t guess!”

Me: “I wouldn’t want to be forward!”

Customer: “Well, breast reduction surgery, then. Shy, aren’t you?”

Me: “Just a little, yes. Let’s see what I can find.”

Customer: “I’m always having back problems! These are just too big; I want to see if I can get them smaller.”

Me: “It’s probably best to check with a doctor first, but maybe we can find something that will help you know what questions to ask.”

Customer: “Well, don’t you agree they’re too big?”

Me: “Er, again, I wouldn’t like to be forward.”

Customer: “Oh, come on. You can touch them and see how big they are for yourself!”

Me: “WHAT!”

Customer: “C’mon, touch ’em!”

(The customer reaches for my wrist.)

Me: “No, that’s okay!”

Customer: “TOUCH MY PUPPIES!”

Me: “Let me see if I can find someone more experienced with this.”

Customer: “Why won’t shy guys touch my breasts!?”