Doing A Number On Her Husband

(My husband is a very attractive man, and is also always courteous and kind to wait staff. Because of this, he often gets flirted with by female waitresses, even when I am with him. I’m not the jealous type, so we usually just have a laugh over it. We have noticed in particular that this happens often at a wing restaurant that employs many young females. We are out to this particular restaurant with friends on his birthday, and I leave the group to use the ladies room. Inside, I find two waitresses on their break, and am struck with an idea.)

Me: “Excuse me, ladies, can I ask a favor of you?”

Waitress #1: “Sure, miss, how can we help?”

Me: “So tonight is his birthday, and we’re here with friends, and I think it might be hilarious if one of you approached him and tried to give him your number or something.”

Waitress #2: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah! You wouldn’t have to give him a real number or anything; I’d just like to play a little practical joke.”

(Waitress #2 thinks it is a funny idea, and says she will approach him with a number when she finds a moment. I describe my husband to her and tell her where we are seated, and she proceeds to write down a fake number, complete with hearts and flower doodles around it, and her name. Our plan dispatched, I return to my table and covertly whisper our rouse to the friends I am sitting next to. A few minutes later, the waitress approaches my husband.)

Waitress #2: “Excuse me, sir?”

Husband: “Yes?”

Waitress #2: “Well, I couldn’t help but notice you here, and the bartender told me it was your birthday, so I thought I’d give you a present.”

(She gives him the number, which he looks at before blushing crimson. I am turning away to hide my interest and laughter with our friends.)

Husband: “Oh! Gosh, I…” *lowers his voice* “Miss, I’m very flattered, but I’m married.”

Waitress #2: *lightly brushes his arm with her hand* “Well, you just hang on to it. You never know.”

(She gives him a flirtatious wink and returns to her work, leaving my poor husband flabbergasted. At this point, our friends and I are struggling to contain our laughter.)

Husband: *to our friends* “I don’t believe that just happened!”

Me: “What, hon?”

Husband: “Honey, I swear to God, I didn’t ask for it or flirt with her or anything, but that waitress just came up to me and gave me her number! I even told her I was married, but she… What?”

(Myself and our friends are cracking up, and I explain the whole joke to everyone. My husband has a great laugh out of it and vows to get me back someday. Later, I track down the waitress, to give her a huge tip and thank her for making our night.)

Waitress #2: “No problem! That was the most fun I’ve had all week!”