Doesn’t Quite Swear By That DVD Player

(I work at a store that doesn’t do refunds. If a customer wants to return an item, we can only offer to exchange it for the exact same item, or give store credit to put towards a new purchase.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this DVD player. It no longer works.”

Me: “Sure. Would you like to do a straight exchange, or would you like a store credit?”

Customer: “Straight exchange, please. I really like this DVD player, and I’d really like another one like it.”

Me: “All right, just let me see if we have any in stock.”

(I do a search on my computer, and we show zero in stock. I even check with the stockroom staff to verify this.)

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid to say this, but we no longer have this DVD player in stock.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “I’m absolutely sure. There aren’t any on the shelves, the computer says we have zero, and there aren’t any in the back. We’re all tapped out, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “Aw, s***!”

(Both the customer and I notice that there’s a small child next to us, and he heard the whole thing.)

Customer: “Uh, I mean poo-poo caca. Aw, poo-poo caca, I can’t believe you ran out of my favorite DVD player. Can you check to see if any other locations might still have it? I’m sorry to ask you this, but I really like this DVD player.”

Me: “Sure thing. Which location is the nearest to you?”

Customer: “Can you try [Location #1]?”

Me: “Certainly.”

(I dial the number to Location #1 to make my inquiry.)

Me: “I just got off the phone with [Location #1]. They don’t have it either.”

Customer: “Poo-poo caca. Can you try [Location #2]?”

(I phone up Location #2.)

Me: “They don’t have it either.”

Customer: “Aw, poo-poo caca. Can you try [Location #3]?”

Me: “Okay…”

(This went on for four more locations, and they all don’t have the very specific DVD player that my customer is looking for. Every time I told him the bad news, he responded with “poo-poo caca.”)