Doesn’t Live In The Real World

(I’m the manager of a watch store in a mall. I am taking care of some display work when a couple walks up to my kiosk.)

Me: “Hi there! Is there anything I can help you find today?”

Customer: “Hey. No, thanks. I think we’re just looking.”

Me: “Okay, sounds good. Just let me know if you have any questions.”

(I go back to my display work and the couple wanders around the booth. As they come closer to me I notice the man is looking confused. I’m about to ask him if there’s something I can clear up for him when he speaks up.)

Customer: “Are any of these watches real?”

Me: “I… What?”

Customer: “These watches you’re selling. Are any of them real?”

Me: “Yes, sir. All of my watches are 100% authentic time pieces.”

(Meanwhile, his wife is snickering.)

Customer: “No, I mean are any of these real gold?”

Me: “I’m afraid not, sir. Seeing as I am in a kiosk in the middle of a mall, I do not have the security systems in place for me to sell genuine gold watches, which often start at several thousands of dollars.”

Customer: “Oh, but what about this one right here? It looks like it would be a real gold watch.”

Me: “No, sir. That watch is gold colored plating over base metal, mostly nickel. It runs $39.95.”

Customer: “Oh. But are those real diamonds on it?”

Me: “… No. I think they’re glass or plastic.”

Customer: “You sure you don’t have anything real in the back?

Me: “I’m a kiosk, sir. I don’t have a ‘back.'”

Customer’s Wife: *outright laughing now* “I am so sorry. You have been so patient!”

(She drags him away. A manager at the next store who has observed this and is in hysterics.)

Me: “I give up. Are you hiring?”