Doesn’t Give Two Hoots About Listening

(My city is having an annual festival in the downtown area. I have an animatronic owl that I like to bring out on such occasions. It sits on my shoulder and moves in a very life-like manner. Kids love it and are very respectful of it. Adults, on the other hand are not. A woman grabs me by the shoulder, spins me around, and yells…)

Woman: “WHAT IS THAT?!”

Me: “Whoa… um, please don’t touch me. It’s a puppet.”

(I begin to walk away, but she grabs me again and tries to knock the owl off my shoulder.)

Woman: “IT LOOKS SO REAL! WHY DO YOU HAVE AN OWL ON YOUR SHOULDER?! HAVING A PET OWL IS ILLEGAL!”

Me: “Again, please don’t touch me, and DO NOT touch my puppet. And it IS a puppet, not real. It’s made of faux fur, polymer and cables.”

(The woman starts yelling to a police officer, who is monitoring the event.)

Woman: “THIS WOMAN HAS A PET OWL! ARREST HER! IT’S ILLEGAL!”

(The officer comes over, and examines my owl puppet.)

Officer: “So how does this thing work?”

(I explain how I control it with a hidden cable, and how it’s made.)

Woman: “SHE’S LYING! THAT’S A REAL BIRD!”

Officer: “Ma’am, it’s obviously a puppet. A very neat and realistic puppet, but a puppet all the same. I’m going to have to ask you to stop yelling; you’re causing a disturbance.”

Woman: “DON’T LET HER FOOL YOU! IT’S A REAL BIRD!”

(I remove the owl from my shoulder, showing that it stays put with magnets and reveal the hidden cable.)

Woman: “MURDERER! YOU MURDERED AN INNOCENT OWL! MURDERER!”

Officer: “Okay, that’s it. You’re coming with me!”