Doesn’t Fancy Your Morning Routine

(My alarm has just woken me; my husband is a notoriously heavy sleeper.)

Me: *shakes his shoulder* “Honey, time to get up.”

Husband: *drowsily cuddles up to me and buries his face in my boob*

Me: “Yes, yes, you’re very cute, but it’s time to wake up.”

(At this point I notice he has begun lazily gesticulating his man-bits against my thigh.)

Me: “Babe, what are you doing?”

Husband: *in the sleepiest, sweetest voice ever* “Gettin’ FANCY.”

(He had no recollection of this when he finally did wake up and has not yet lived down the time he was ‘gettin’ FANCY.’)